How We Survive Marriage - Part 2

If you missed part one you can read that here.

This week's survival tip is an easy one, yet I believe it is one that many people need to hear.

Don't take your spouse for granted.

My husband and I had a blow out last week. I should have known. I start a marriage series here, and all of my ideas of our happy, strong marriage are thrown out the window. We are fine now, but things were ugly in these parts for a couple days. I'm not going to share any details of our spat, but I am going to tell what I learned from it.

I learned I've been taking my husband for granted. Taking your spouse for granted is not a good thing for a marriage. It only has negative outcomes and should be avoided. The small things that I used to do to show my love and affection had stopped. How I treated my husband was not a thought on my mind because I was too busy with everything else. His feelings were not a priority in my life because I had the mindset that he would always be here and I have the rest of my life to show him my love. Poor guy.

Something that can lead to taking someone for granted is letting negative thoughts consume your mind. It is so easy to get caught up in life and only think about the negative things about one's spouse. I am so very guilty of this. Any married person can think of things he/she doesn't like about his/her spouse. Any married person can also think (I hope) of things he/she does like about his/her spouse. Always focusing on the negative will result in taking that person for granted. Imagine your life without your spouse. Let your mind go there. Think of all the things your spouse does for you and your family. Imagine that suddenly being taken away. It makes you appreciate your spouse a little bit more, huh?

Our little (big?) spat was good for us. It put all of our feelings about every little thing on the table. It made us stronger. A little fight every now and then can do some good, as long as it doesn't break you.

Do something special for your husband (or wife) and let him (or her) know how much he/she is loved and appreciated.

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How We Survive Marriage - Part 1

I'm going to start a couple series here on my blog. There are some things I have been wanting to post about but the topics cover too much for just one post.

Can you guess what this series is about? Marriage you say? Why how did you guess that? You're just so stinkin' smart. :)

So here we go. I was looking through our wedding photos the other day. It made me realize just how far my husband and I have come in the past few years regarding our relationship. We were pitiful in the beginning. We used to fight all the time. Even before we got married, while we were going through pre-marriage counseling, I called numerous times to cancel the counseling sessions because we were calling off the wedding. I look back and laugh now, but at the time it wasn't fun. We have learned so much through this marriage process. We are by no means anywhere near being experts at marriage, but I do feel like we have either learned or been taught by others many things that are essential to a lasting marriage. Marriage is one of satan's favorite things to attack, because it is symbolic of Jesus and His Church. Divorce has a negative effect on all of those involved, but it takes work and compromise to avoid it. In this series I am going to share what we have learned to keep us away from divorce.

Let me start by saying that I do believe there are times when divorce is the best answer. I do believe that God can change anyone to make a marriage last, but sometimes people don't want to change. If a man is abusing his wife and children, mentally or physically, with no remorse or attempt to change, then unfortunately divorce is the solution to protect the wife and kids' well being.

The first thing that I believe is essential to a lasting marriage is making God a priority. Psalm 127:1 says "Unless the Lord builds the house,They labor in vain who build it." I've learned that God has to be at the center of our marriage for it to work. Any time there is discontentment between my husband and me, I try to take a step back and examine my relationship with Jesus, and nine times out of ten, it is not our marriage relationship that needs work. If my relationship with God is where it should be, then usually all my other relationships easily fall into place. I don't mean that there won't ever be any problems, but if I am in proper relationship with God, then when those problems do arise, they don't have a lasting negative effect.


Ephesians 6:12 says "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." Most people don't realize how real the spiritual world around us is. I've learned the more we pray together, the better we get along. I firmly believe our spiritual lives effect every other aspect of our lives. If we take care of our spiritual needs first, then the other areas of our lives will more easily fall into proper alingnment.

More to come.........

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Selfish

I just discovered something about myself last week. I am was selfish. I've kind of always known this, but I've just now acknowledged it. In Dr. Phil's words (love me some Dr. Phil!), you can't change what you don't acknowledge. This selfishness has always been talking to me in the back of my mind, but I never wanted to really admit it, because then I would have to do something about it.

Last week I heard someone say something along these lines. God will not let you be happy if you are not doing what He wants you to do. When I heard that, it hit home. Hard. I know that little voice in the back of my mind about me being selfish has been God talking to me. I have been choosing to ignore Him. I haven't been too happy here lately. Think that is a coincidence? Not a chance.

I'm the most important so whatever I want I should get, right? WRONG.

My poor husband can easily tell you that I nag used to nag him. A lot. I finally realized the nagging was coming because of my selfishness. So I've been not giving in to my selfish ways. Instead of nagging him about what I think he should do all the time, I've been focusing on what I can do to make his life easier. It hasn't been easy, but it is getting easier. If I think he should spend time with me instead doing something else, instead of nagging him about it, I give him a sweet smile and ask if there is anything I can get for him. I've acutally been happier not getting my way. I've been doing what God wants me to do, so He has been keeping me satisfied and joyful.

I quit acting selfish. Life has been good. Everyone is happy. Coincidence? Not a chance.

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